i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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