My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
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Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
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Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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