remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
