I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
