Im at strip club and am horny
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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