New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize