I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Your dad touched me again.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
