Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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