I just pynch a tree in the face
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
