just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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