forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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