As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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