i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
