If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
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I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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