so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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