Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I AM VODKA MAN
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
