Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
