As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
