I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Two words: nipple clamps
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