k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
