I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
