Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
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so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
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Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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