I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
