so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
