I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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