Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
