You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
