I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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