i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
