I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
