Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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