fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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