Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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