So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
