Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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