What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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