Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
