bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
