obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
