Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
