I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
