im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize