I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize