hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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