I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
