Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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