Soap is not a condiment
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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