Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
