I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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