Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize