I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
