I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
There's even glitter on my cock...
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