She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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