why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
