Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Also, beer. Big fan.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
