I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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