I puked a lego.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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