Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
