theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
