You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
