He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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