Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You ruined the universe
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
