how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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